Inking the Heart Blog

A Promise in a Parable

9/5/2022

There have been so many posts lately beginning with "Today" or "Yesterday" or "Last week we dropped my son/daughter off at (fill in the blank) University. We are so excited about what the future holds for him/her." This post is no different. However, that process was so much more than a drop off, a quick picture recap and a trip home, just the two of us. It was over a decade of praying, years of hard work, months of decision making, many milestones, awards and accomplishments along the way and then the planning, shopping, and packing.

If you have ever worked so hard for something, planned and then anticipated how it should all play out, then I think you can relate to the words that will follow. Although my daughter did all the actual work and decision making, as parents we did our share of tilling, toiling, planting and watering for the 18+ years of her life.

It is like that with anything, whether it be ministry related, work/career goals or personal growth that have required of us more than we thought we could handle at times. Eventually it all comes to a head and you take on the cliché "Let Go and Let God".

That final push to pull it all together, pack up her room and load it all into the car was a stressful time. The house was a mess, there were many goodbyes to be said and boxes to pack. The anticipation put all of us in a variety of moods throughout the week.

Often in the chaos, when we stop and allow God into the mess within, he shows up and brings about a peace that puts it all into perspective. For me this came through the Word. During that last week, after a busy day at work I came home to the cluttered mess that happens before the final organizational display of completion. I went into the one room untouched from the fray and opened up the Word. In it I read a parable I have read a hundred times before. . . but this time the living Word spoke to me in a new way.

It was the parable of the farmer scattering seed and it ends like this:

"Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they sprouted, grew, and produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted!" Then he said, "Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand."
Mark 4:8-9

In that moment I understood. And I heard that still small voice calm my mama's fearful heart. It said,

Wait for the harvest

We all know that when we plant and toil the harvest should come. But sometimes, even when we have given it our all, the outcome is out of our control. My biggest setbacks in life are disappointments and often I find my heart shrouded in this protective fear of the "what if's".

While we were at Azusa Pacific University at a planned event during Welcome Weekend for the incoming freshman and their families, one evening I saw a couple sitting alone. I went over and made small talk. I learned they were here from the midwest. The more we talked I could sense the unsettled expectation of leaving their daughter and returning home two thousand miles away. Fear was evident in the father's eyes and the mother's courageous smile reminded me of the parable I had read the week before.

When hard situations arise and the fear of the unknowns begin to grow I have learned to focus on the things that I know to be true and have taken root in my own life experiences.

This was my 3rd child to send off to college and although this situation was different than the other two, the truth is I see the goodness of God, the hand of God and the mercy of God in my children's lives every day.

Last week I lost sight of that.

In talking to that couple who was about to launch their first child, I was reminded that I have the foresight of what it is like to "let go and let God" as I have sent children off to college, to navigate life on their own and experience the independence that they so desperately need.

God has prepared the soil of our children's lives. We have done our part and with His goodness, leading and mercy I can continue to do the hard thing and wait.

To "wait for the harvest".

To wait with hope, joyful anticipation and most of all with prayer.

As I reflected on this lesson, I felt there was some crossover for anyone who has worked hard for something then felt the sting of the loss as it came to an end. You have done your part. But the hope comes in knowing that when your part is done God keeps on moving, working and eventually He will bring in the harvest.

We left that dorm room with boxes still to unpack, friends still to be made and lots of learning to be had in the coming years. But as my daughter toils and plants now on her own we can all watch and wait with anticipation for the harvest the light of Christ within her will produce.

All the parents surrounded the incoming students with lit candles as we prayed for them to be a light on their campus.

We said our goodbyes and walked to our car alone. In the parking lot were other families also saying goodbye and Phil and I both commented on how it was just as hard, if not harder to watch others going through the same moments of sadness we had just experienced. In our hearts we empathized and prayed for those other families.

With hope and joy and anticipation we wait for the harvest God will produce as this next generation goes out into the world to plant seeds of faith they have been given as a legacy.

With Love,
Rachael

P.S. On our trip home Phil and I listened to a few episodes of the podcast The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman

Episode 239 is A Sending Prayer for College Freshmen
and
Episode 240 is A Staying Prayer for Parents

Check them out if you are a parent sending a freshman away to college and/or a parent staying behind as your child goes off to college!

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Uganda . . . 2022

4/6/2022

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This is Rachel. We have the same name. Rachel is a gifted, passionate speaker and worshiper.

The Call

In January of 2022 I decided to get my passport. I had no plans of travel, just desire and an openess to go whereever I was called. Within two days of beginning the process, a possible opportunity to travel overseas opened up. I completed the passport process and even expedited it to ensure I would be ready when the door opened up! Due to COVID restrictions in one country, the opportunity shifted to possibly traveling to Uganda.

Last summer a missionary couple visited our church and shared about their vision for a ministry center which hosts a school for 45 girls, farming opportunities for the locals, and a pastor training/discipleship program. Although I did not feel called to Uganda, I knew they were planting seeds of desire in others in my church. While in the United States, the missionary couple raised the necessary funds for the building projects and in the last year their Ministry Center has expanded.

When the opportunity to go to Uganda presented itself, I said yes. However, I wondered what the purpose of this trip would be for me. My desire to travel and my "yes" had me asking "why?".

Two verses from the Bible stood out to me:

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desires."
Proverbs 37 : 4

and

Then I heard the Lord asking, "Whom should I send as a messenger to this people?
Who will go for us?"
I said, "Here I am. Send me."
Isaiah 6 : 8

So here I was with a desire in my heart and a willingness to "Go" and I was going to Uganda!

It wasn't long before a teaching opportunity opened up for me at the school during our visit. I would provide a teacher workshop for the teachers. As I began to prepare it was exciting to bridge my life and ministry here and a purpose for my trip to Africa.

Beauty

Uganda is beautiful country.

The people are even more beautiful. We were welcomed with such hospitality. We sat in living rooms, were invited into classrooms and honored in the village churches. The greetings from the children as we traveled down the dirt roads in the bush was an experience I will never forget. The precious children ran to greet us and waved all along the way. The beauty and joy we experienced from the Ugandans could not be fully captured.

Blessings

During our trip we spent a few days at the Life Skills school. We spent time in classes with the girls and had small group/worship time Friday afternoon. I led a teacher workshop for the teachers at the site. Walking into the classrooms was the first time I struggled with my own emotions. Being in a classroom setting thousands and thousands of miles away from home hit me hard. Those girls were so precious! After observing a few classes I realized the commonality I had with the teachers; we shared the same strageties, a heart for our students and a passion for our profession. It was an honor and blessing to spend time with both students and teachers.

Another day we visited the village churches and the pastors over those churches. My pastor prayed over each pastor and their church. We received the blessing of hospitality by the people of Uganda in their own homes, churches and villages streets. This was an immersive experience and I am so thankful for Matt Actis providing us this opportunity to experience a little slice of Ugandan life.

On Sunday we were invited to one of the village churches where Pastor Andy preached. Afterward, some of the church members blessed us with a cooked meal of Ugandan dishes. What an amazing lunch in one of their homes! The dish covered in leaves is mashed plantains that we covered with a peanut sauce.

From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another.
John 1:16

These girls were also surprise blessings! So thankful to have met them on this trip!

Music

The thing that caught me off guard the most on this trip was the culture of music in Uganda. Since Uganda is not a crying culture, I had to work very hard at times to suppress the tears that welled up as the women, men and children sang and danced for us. It was absolutely overwhelming and heart-stirring!

This first video was part of a performance the girls put on for us!

This next video is the men worshipping at the young adult youth group where our group shared a testimony, devotion and Bible teaching:

This third video took our hearts by surprise. As we were entering one of the churches on our visit in one of the villages, these women were gathered together already. They were so excited to see us they burst out in song and dance. We asked for an encore and aftterward held hands in a circle around them and prayed for the women.

If you are still here I do have one story for you. One afternoon Shelley took me and a few others to visit an elderly widowed woman who has a cancerous grown on her head. The cancer is beginning to affect her quality of life. As we approached, the woman was sitting on a bamboo mat in the grass. At first she seemed unaware of who we were, but as our visit continued more and more life began to pour into her countenenance. She only spoke Swahili so one of the teachers with us translated the conversation. Eventually she began singing hymns in Swahili, others joined in, then she sang louder and the life-giving Spirit within her radiated joy. I recognized one of the hymns and to hear a familiar hymn sung in Swahili was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. By the time we left she was shouting "Hallelujah" and praying over us. And we went to pray for her! This afternoon visit gave me a little glimpse of heaven on earth. It was a holy moment.

Fun!

We spent one morning visiting the girls at the internship site. Some of the girls who have graduated from the school's program have been accepted into the internship program. Here the girls learn and practice the skills of hairdressing and tailoring. Each of the girls shared their business plans with us and we were able to look through the Ugandan fabrics., we even made a few custom orders for dresses, skirts and bags! And Lena got her hair braided.

On our way to the airport we stopped by Mama Ruth's shop to pick up our orders and I got to try jackfruit for the first time. Yum!

Backing up a bit to the day we arrived in Uganda . . . After traveling for what seemed like 3 days in the same clothes and with a 10 hour time difference we were in need for some rest! To break up the long drive from the airport to our hotel, Matt and Shelley brought us to a resort overlooking the Nile River. We talked, rested, ate and enjoyed the monkeys in the trees below us!

Our hotel had fun murals too!

I taught my small group how to play heads-up-seven-up.

Being tourists at the Sipi River Lodge:

Thanks for allowing me to share my adventure with you! Matt and Shelley have a wonderful ministry center with so many more dreams for the future. You can find more about what they are doing on Facebook . We look forward to continuing to partner with them in multiple ways in the future! Stay tuned . . .

Blessings,

Rachael

P.S. Some Misc. pictures that didn't make it into the categories above.

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Bridging 2020 to 2021

12/31/2020

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1st picture of 2020

My first thought upon waking up on January 1, 2020 as I looked to the bottom of my bed and seeing my 13 year old Bichon was "Am I going to lose my puppy this year?" He had been having some health issues and the progression of his decline was unknown. He made it until September 18. For about a week I struggled with the decision of whether or not to put him down. I just needed to know it was the right time. One night, in the midst of an episode, I knew it was time.

This was one event of 2020 that I expected, but, holy moly, what about all the events I didn't expect? A pandemic, 3 family deaths, racist roots exposed, riots and unrest in our streets, political ridiculousness, empty classrooms and empty churches. Along with endless family time, a slower more restricted pace of life, and virtual connections.

I am most thankful to have had the privilege of being home with my old pup from March until his death in September. To process this loss and try to make sense of everything that was happening in my world I reflected on what having a furry companion taught me over the past 14 years and how it applied to 2020.

Here are some lessons learned that helped me bridge the gaps between what I knew and what I was learning this year.

1. We were made to love

This lesson is most evident when we have lost love. The hole or gap within bleeds out for a time until the healing process is complete. I loved my pup but the truth is my love for an animal can be redirected toward a new pet. So many have lost loves that are irreplaceable. The pain of those losses reinforces this lesson:

We were made to love.

In John 13: 34-35 Jesus gives a new commandment to his disciples.

Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.

1 John chapter 4 continues to unpack this concept in more depth. We are called to love each other because we are so loved by God I have found through my own journey of love lost that delving into the love God has for me, and really believing and understanding that love, has shown me what it truly means to love others. Since "God is love" (v. 16) He is the bridge that allows us to expand our view of love to those we don't understand, don't agree with, don't look like us or believe in what we believe. Learning to love God is learning to understand love, internalizing it and then acting upon it.

It is impossible to lose the love of God, He is the beginning and the end and we have not seen the end yet. So even when love is lost it does not change the fact that we are so loved and because of that we were made to love.

What does that look like for you? Where is God calling you to love others? At work? On social media? In your family?

If you are not sure where to start maybe the next lesson will help.

2. The company of another is good for the soul

Dictionary.com defines company as "a number of individuals assembled or associated together; group of people." Just as we were made to love we were also made for community. My dog was good company. In my quiet times, God is good company. I have learned what love is in those quiet moments and I have experienced tangible lessons of love having an animal, however, in community my purpose to love others bridges the gap between what I know and what I do.

We are better together.

"Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World" by Vivik H Murthy, MD was the best book I read in 2020. He says,

It took me years to see that, just as the concrete draws most of it strength from the water poured on it in the days after it's placed, each of us gains our strength not by virtue of being born but because of the love that is showered upon us in the days, months, and years that follow. That love comes through our relationships with everyone around us.

It is time to bridge the gap between the isolation we have become all too familiar with and community where love is a two way street. As the pandemic continues I do understand that this may need to start small. But start we must. Fear has fractured our hearts, isolating many from strength of community in the workplace, in our churches and especially in our schools. We can't even visibly smile at strangers anymore.

There will be repercussions from 2020 as a result of social isolation, but to what extent I am not sure. As a middle school teacher my students have lost almost two years of social development. Things must look different as we move forward and bridge the chasms that a lack of being in community has forged on our relationships in the context of community.

Our world, our country and our communities are desperate for a showering of love that only comes through our communal relationships with others around us. Some of us have tried to be bridge builders during this pandemic. Some of us have not. Either way it is time to restore what isolation and loneliness have broken in 2020. Fresh concrete needs to be poured out and the way forward strengthened by the love we were all meant to give an receive in the context of relationship.

What small step can you make today? Call a friend maybe? Send a note? Initiate a conversation with a neighbor? Check on someone who you know has gotten too comfortable with isolation?

Maybe you need to cross over your own bridge from isolation to community. Remember, when the traffic jam of fear bottleneck your intentions, move over. The lane of love flows freely helping you arrive at a place where fear can never take you. It might be quite a ride, but it will always be worth it!

Above are a few images of bridges from our 2020 road trip through Oregon.

I'm sure when my Bichon, Pismo, passed away I wrote down more thoughts and lessons learned. However, those thoughts, jotted down on a yellow pad have disappeared. After getting Jovie, our new Bernedoodle puppy, a few things have disappeared and been ripped up.

The lessons above are constant though. We can always love better. We will always retreat to isolation when fear draws near. We must take the wheel on that fear and drive it across the bridge to love, leaving fear on the other side. And within the context of community, the trip will take you places you could never have imagined had you been alone.

Thanks for sticking with me this far. This end of the year reflection is about a month late because when I woke up on January 1, 2021 my first thought was "I don't feel very good."

You know what that means in a pandemic . . .

So far this year has already been a journey of healing and restoring.

May it continue to be so as we merge back into the flow of community.

Blessings,
Rachael

P.S. Enjoy a picture of our new pup, Jovie - girl, the floppy doodle.

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November in Review

11/18/2020

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"November is the most disagreealbe month in the whole year, said Margaret, standing at the window one dull afternoon, looking out at the frost-bitten garden."
Little Women
by Louisa May Alcott

As the days get shorter and shadows longer, the increased darkness is evident. It's evident in our world as this pandemic spreads and it has been evident in our home as circumstances cast shadows over our peace and well-being. This month brought with it dog bites, COVID scares up close, and a difficult death in my family. But when the shadows feel long my eyes only need to look a little higher to see the sun still shining and when the darkness comes too early the lights shine brightest as the twinkling of hope is ushered in with the holidays.

,As disagreeable as November began the dog bite eventually healed, a new kitten brought much joy and the extra quarantine rest opened my eyes to many many chapters in books. I am thankful for healing and pets and the adventures and wisdom gleaned from reading other's stories.

One man's story of fighting for justice and the life lessons he learned through his work spoke to me. Bryan Stevenson in the book "Just Mercy: A True Story of the Fight for Justice" fought for minorities, children, and the disabled, devoting his life to seeking justice for those our justice system has failed and were wrongly imprisoned. In his work he experienced how the effects of our self-righteousness, fear and anger have imprisoned our hearts from giving compassion and forgiveness to others. Our fallen nature has broken this world and in turn it breaks us, all of us. He says,

"I am more than broken. In fact, there is a strength, a power even, in understanding brokenness. Embracing our brokenness creates a desire for mercy, and perhaps a need to show mercy to others, too. When you experience mercy, you begin to recognize the humanity that resides in each of us."

As a teacher I face many challenges because of this brokenness: broken homes, loss, grief, hardened hearts, pride, sin, apathy, and poverty just to name a few. If I was not in touch with my own brokenness I would not be able to extend the mercy my students need in order learn in my classroom.

If I didn't understand the plight of humanity or the reality of our world I would miss opportunities to extend compassion and forgiveness. Bryan goes on to say, "...that even as we are caught in a web of hurt and brokenness, we're also in a web of healing and mercy."

I recognize that sometimes life is not fair, good people die too soon.

I can't control everything, especially a loose dog.

I know that although shadows are cast over the earth, light still shines down from the heavens.

I understand that this invisible virus threatens the present, but threats to our livelihood have been and will continue to be causes for concern.

Do we want to be caught in the web of hurt and brokenness? Or do we want to weave within it healing and mercy?

Only in embracing the brokenness can we truly find hope for healing. Compassion will heal hearts, time will heal wounds, eventually the light will consume the shadows or in the darkness light will shine brightest.

I find that this life seems to be a series of paradoxes. November began with pain and despair but ends with hope. Hope for better times ahead. Hope for a holiday season filled with expectation and joy. Hurt and brokenness will continue to be weaved into our stories but the hope for healing and mercy, compassion and forgiveness will always be present too.

In the novel "Little Women" by Louisa May Alcott chapter 15 began with the quote at the beginning of this post. Chapter 15 ends with this:

"Be comforted, dear soul! There is always light behind the clouds."

May you find hope in the twinkle of the star atop a tree, or in the beauty of a house celebrating the season. May you find mercy in the manger and forgiveness at the foot of the cross. May the lights of the season comfort you, even on your darkest nights.

Love,
Rachael

P.S. Some kitten cuteness and November highlights below:

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A Prayer for the church . . .

8/30/2020

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"GIVE US TODAY OUR DAILY BREAD."
Matt. 6:11

Lord, today give us grace for ourselves,
for our weaknesses and our faults.
And give us grace for others,
their weaknesses and their faults.

Lord, today fill our bodies and our souls
with food that nourishes our bodies
and Your Word, love and compassion
that nourishes our souls.

Lord, today give us fellowship,
connection and community.
We need connection with You through prayer and worship
and community with others as we reach out
to see and hear
and love one another.

Lord, today give us mercy
as we navigate through a fallen, broken world.
Help us to bend low with the fallen
to be your hands of healing.
Help us to walk out justice and righteousness
as we walk in your ways
being the feet of Jesus
walking out our faith.

The Lord gives.
The Lord takes away.
The Lord goes before us,
walks beside us,
and covers us from behind.

Our daily bread is found in a strong tower,
beside quiet waters,
on a mountain top,
in the refining fires,
gentle whispers,
and
in fields ready for harvest.

Wherever we find ourselves today
we will find all we need
we just need to ask

Lord, Give us today our daily bread.

Amen

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The Author's Purpose - an invitation

4/13/2020

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When I woke up on Friday, March 13 I had no idea how my life in this season would change by the end of the day. At 8:15 my 7th grade students showed up, sat in their desks and were ready to learn. We read, we wrote and we even talked a little about the times and how we need not be afraid since the virus seemed so far away. Threat was drawing near but none of us could predict that by 3:15 school would be over for the rest of the year. Being in space with my students was over; all of our normal daily routines were about to change. Within the next two weeks my college kids moved home, church gatherings were cancelled and preliminary lockdown measures were installed in the community.

Weird times. I had nothing in my memory bank to help me process through these changes.

During that first week home the long hours were filled with activities that eased anxiety and helped me escape from reality. I retreated to Netflix, tended to my home and read.

Before the stay-at-home orders restricted daily activities and even before COVID-19 invaded my thoughts, I bought a book on hospitality. "The Gospel Comes with a House Key: Practicing Radically Ordinary Hospitality in Our Post-Christian World" by Rosaria Butterfield was a new perspective on hospitality that I was excited to read. But reading a book on hospitality during a time of social distancing had me asking more questions and wondering what or even how was this book going to be relevant.

I pressed on. And after turning pages and completing chapters a table was set out for me with a simple purpose that nourished my hungry heart.

I am one for setting a table. Paper plates, china, colorful bowls or mismatched plates, doesn't matter. It's all for the purpose of gathering people together, strangers meeting strangers, a small community where connection heals, people are loved and accepted, and souls and stomachs are nourished.

But Rosaria, she set a table for me and invited me in, into her life, into her community, into her heart. She told me her story, the memories that shaped her, the decisions that set a course for her life and the detours she took along the way. She shared her thoughts and beliefs, her pain and heartaches and most importantly she pointed me to the Author from which she finds her purpose in her radically ordinary hospitality way of life.

I found myself desperate to sit down with her and ask her questions like:

How do you make sense of this social distancing?
How do you practice this radial yet ordinary hospitality in these times?
What does life look like for you now?
How can I adapt what you do and practice radical ordinary hospitality in my home, my community and my church in ways that meet the needs around me?

She says, "Hospitality is the ground zero of the Christian life, biblically speaking." If that is the case we need to do things differently.

My home has always had an open door and many walk through it and dine with us. We share our lives with others, inviting them in for a meal, for the night or even to stay awhile longer. Social distancing has taken that away from me in the normal sense of how we live our lives.  But I found a sort of respite in this book. A respite from the anxiety of an invisible virus threatening my normal.

She talked about the Nextdoor app. Through it I have been able to bless my neighbors and be blessed by them as well as participate in sharing encouraging words or putting a bear in my window for kids to go on a bear hunt in the neighborhood during walks with their family. She talked about bedside hospitality, of which I am too familiar, and she reminded me that God is "the stability of your times." (Is. 33:6) She talked about grief in children when things are suddenly different around you. She says, ". . . play is a vital part of grief." As a teacher I get that. With the changes in the world my students don't need an overabundance of school work to mimic a school day, what they need is time to process and kids process through "play." In the conclusion she says, "Christians are not fearful hoarders: we are fearless givers." How prophetic is that!

When Jesus says to love your neighbor as yourself but that love in the past has manifested it's ways in coffee shops, community gatherings and most often around the table, a real time radically ordinary hospitality must find new ways to love.

I'm working on that part, as are so many of us. However, this blessing of being offered a place at this author's table has been the purpose I did not foresee, that nourishment I didn't know I was so hungry for, the company I longed for.

An authors purpose in the various books out there are multifaceted. Some take us on a journey to faraway places, some open doors into a whole new world, some inform and others invite you into their lives. Those are my favorite reads.

Books have a beginning and an end. People have a beginning and an end. This part of our story is only that, a part. Our past is different than today and who knows what our future holds, but it WILL be different than today.

I will probably read a few books during this time. They will take me on an adventure or teach me something new. However there is one book I never tire of. That is my Bible. I love the history, the people, the stories of redemption, the miracles, and the invitation to live life with a radically ordinary hospitality that gives hope, healing and purpose to our lives. Rosaria says it best:

And that is what the Bible always does.
It tells the whole story.
And the whole story is one of multi-directional hope -
of past and present and future, of what will come to pass,
and of what must be fulfilled in order for hope to manifest.

The other night my family and I were finishing up a series called "The Chosen" about the life of Christ. As season 1 came to an end with Jesus walking into the town of Samaria, my son yelled out "It ends with a cliffhanger!"

Yes, but if you have read the book you know what happens.

Unfortunately we don't know how this pandemic will end, we don't know what tomorrow or even next year will bring, we don't know the details of the end of our story, but if we have read the Book we know there is hope and a purpose through the trials.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love God, and are called according to His purpose for them.
Romans 8:28

I hope you have picked up a book or two during this time of "social distancing." I hope the author's purpose has brought you joy, taught you something new or taken you on an adventure. I also hope you have picked up your Bible during this time. The Author has a story to share with you, a bit of wisdom much different than you will hear from the media, some hope for your day and a purpose for your life. That purpose might be an invitation to living a radically ordinary hospitable life of loving others and being loved by the Author Himself.

Blessings to you from at least 6 feet away!

Love,

Rachael

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Wandering through 2019

12/30/2019

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Today, December 28, 2019 I went for a walk. For me that is kind of a big deal because for the last two days I have been sick in bed. My sickness started exactly a week before Christmas Day. I woke up with a terrible sore throat and it went downhill from there. However, there were places to go, dinners to be made and presents to buy so I kept going. The day after Christmas I had to stop. Not only was it doctor’s orders but my body was tired, my lungs needed to catch a breath and I needed the nourishment of rest, hot fluids, antiboitics and to be entertained instead of entertain. Thank you Disney+ for your healing powers. But seriously, what mother has time before Christmas to take care of herself? It was almost precisely at the stroke of midnight on December 25 that I turned into a pumpkin and the magic of Christmas dimmed.

Those vague days between Christmas and New Years have brought those familiar feelings of dread. What lies ahead this next year? How will life change? Who will I lose this year? These days grief and fear are intertwined within and I struggle to break free on a daily basis. The end of one year and the beginning of another seem to enhance these feelings. However, today, after staring at a screen for two days, wrapped in warm blankets and under the safety of a place I call home I broke free. Not sure if my lungs were ready for the crisp cool breeze or if my legs had the strength for a walk down a familiar path, I forged ahead. My forging ahead allowed me the time to think back on the past year.

It has been a year of wandering, searching for my place. Longings, desires and dreams have awoken, and I am not sure what to do with them. I struggle with the questions: Do I want more from life or do I want less? A simpler life, perhaps, or is the voice within me crying out for a place to be heard? Do I stay in the background and continue to wait until things look like I think they should, or do I step out in faith and forge through the forest unsure of when a clearing will come into view?

I’ve walked this familiar path alone many times over the past year. I’ve watched sunsets and people, listened to the wind through the trees and the amphibian melodies floating on murky waters and I’ve done important work on this path. I’ve been brutally honest with myself under the safety of the great big sky where my dreams, desires, hopes and fears have had no boundaries. My freedom in Christ allows me to search those depths and not be ashamed, feel unworthy or keep those secret things hidden. With each exposure I open my hands and surrender that thing to God asking that each desire, hope, and dream be transformed into God’s will for my life. I am perfectly aware that some things need to be buried deep and may never emerge. My surrender is with the full knowledge that I am heard but that my desires, hopes and dreams may be transformed into something so different from what I could possibly imagine. This freedom I have to be shamelessly honest sets me free to allow God to work freely in my life believing that even in this period of wilderness wandering I will know what is right and good for each moment.

Your own ears will hear him.
Right behind you a voice will say, “"This is the way you should go,” whether to the right or to the left.
Isaiah 30:21

As I have pondered these things in my own heart and prepare to bury them with Christ I do so not as a time capsule to be one day excavated and examined as a reminder of what once was, but I bury these things as seeds that must die. God may choose some of these things to emerge with life and bloom in a beauty I can’t even fathom at this moment. He may choose to sprout some that will emerge slowly and eventually show itself as a righteous oak with deep roots feeding off springs of living water. Or some may just simply need to stay in that deep dark place where it is up to God to resurrect in His time if that ever is to be. Either way I end this year with a hope that I haven’t felt in past New Year"s experiences.

My experience this New Year’s is for the most part void of fear, upheld in hope that will be carry me onward, and with a joy in the passing of 2019 that will be my strength. For I have and will continue to do this:

Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.
For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.
And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed in the whole world, you will share in all his glory.
Colossians 3:2-4

This 2019 wandering through the wilderness has been a holy experience for me. C.S. Lewis calls this the Holy Wild and I certainly have not felt alone. My desperate longing for God alone through this time of uncertainty and depth of honesty that has emerged within has been a comfort; He is my sounding board. As this year comes to a close, I do pray for each person reading this post. May something somehow resonate with you.

Maybe there are some things you need to be honest about. I promise you will find freedom if you take that risk. Maybe shame, embarrassment or fear keep your heart clamped up tight. May I remind you that God sent his son, Jesus, to us as a reminder of His favor upon on (Luke 2:14). Start there, in the quiet of that place where it is just you and Jesus, believing this truth: the favor of the Lord rests upon you.

I do believe for you that when you bury your own longings, dreams and desires with Christ that He will breathe life into them. This next year might not look like you expected it to, but I pray that as time enfolds so will His purpose, His will and His desires for your life. May peace and joy remain unwrapped as you share in God’s “Glorious Unfolding” throughout 2020.

Blessings,

Rachael

P.S. As I ended this post I was reminded of the the song "Glorious Unfolding" by Steven Curtis Chapman

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Pondering . . . Paths

2/3/2019

3 Comments

A few Saturday's ago I was wandering down this path. It was a beautiful clear day on the coast and I wanted to sit on the beach and read quietly. I was in a new area and wasn't sure how to get down to the sandy beach, but I found this path, so I decided to follow it. It was smooth traveling until I got closer to my destination. Either I had taken a wrong turn somewhere, or this path was not a beach access path. At some point this path ended and I found myself walking through slippery mud, on a very narrow, unkempt path along the side of a hill.

I did not snap a picture of this part of the journey. It was messy, dangerous, and my arms were heavy laden with a latte, my book, a towel, and my purse. As I traveled alone I remember thinking, "I hope nobody is watching me." How clumsy I must have looked half bent over trying to keep my balance, holding on to branches to pull myself up over mounds of mud and trying not to slip down the muddy hillside into the flooded inlet. I struggled through this alone with my load along this slippery slope until finally arriving close enough to the beach where I could hop down about 3 feet and land in the sand.

Eventually I found a place to rest and read. The weather was absolutely perfect!

On my back to the car I found a more well-trodden, paved path up to the top of the hill.

And I got to thinking: As people journey through life no two people's paths are ever exactly the same. The scenery and level of difficulty will always have some variations.

On this trip I was visiting a friend who had just experienced some loss. For a short while our paths intersected and together we walked through the grief until it was time for me to continue on.

For a few weeks now I have been trying to reconcile, to put into words what happens to the view of our own individual paths when we choose to walk alongside someone else on their journey through life.

How can you walk down your own path and walk alongside someone else on theirs at the same time when their view is so much different than what your's is?

The word connection keeps coming to mind.

When the paths we are on cross, even if only for a short time, there is a connection. So, we stop and talk Enjoy the view. Talk about disappointments we've had along the way. When there is history in the relationship we talk about how different this path looks compared to how we imagined it would be. Sometimes we take note of the dreary view, or sometimes we share the joys we've seen along the way.

But I was still struggling with finding words for how our paths look when we take a long walk down someone else's path with them

Then yesterday a long time friend of mine reminded me of something, and I found the words I was looking for.

She reminded me of a time years ago when we went on an inner-city missions trip to San Francisco. Part of that trip included each team member being blindfolded for a period of time. I fed her soup when she was blindfolded. When it was my turn for the handicap I had to board a crowded city bus. I couldn't see anything, but she was my guide through that dark and unstable period of time.

When I think of times I have traveled alongside someone for longer periods of time it was a dark time in their lives, a time when fear, doubt, grief, trauma or insecurities blinded them. People experience dark times when the future is uncertain, when doubt tests their faith, when the Truth of who God is in their life is either forgotten or yet to be grasped, or when life throws a curve ball and all of a sudden everything that was familiar and comfortable has slipped away.

During these times we need the company of one another in the darkness. We need to take a detour into the darkness of that friend. However, we are not called to be a light for them. That's Jesus' job. We are called to bring Jesus to them as the light in that dark place. It's not about what we can do for them, it's about what He can do, what He says and where He leads. Together you follow Him until the path becomes clear again.

Those are the most beautiful paths I have ever walked on. Their path became my path as we walked with Christ through the darkness. Whether it was me emerging from my own dark time with a friend by my side or vice versa. This is what gives our journey beauty. This is where true connection, community and love is found.

During those times when the paths lead up steep grades or down into valleys, when the way is slippery and you feel like a clumsy fool with a heavy heart and arms full of burdens, find someone to walk with you. If you see someone in that place, be that person and walk with them

It's amazing! When you look back you realize that the light of Christ lit the way the whole time and the connection of companionship was an anchor of hope that gave strength for each step forward.

"What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this."

John 13:7

Thank you to those of you who have been my companion through those darkest times. To those that I do life with I am thankful for our friendship. Together we will always find the light of Christ to see us through whatever life has in store for our future.

Love,

Rachael

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I AM . . . full of fear

1/6/2019

4 Comments

On New Year's Eve I played a game with some friends where I had to rate the last year on a scale of 1-10, then the other players had to guess my number.

It is a little embarrassing to admit that my number was the lowest of the entire group. My number was a 5.

There are some justifications for my answer such as for every negative event, I was able to see a positive outcome, so that leaves a 50 percent bad and 50 percent good year with a perfectly acceptable number of 5. I know in reality that my number should have been a bit higher, however on this particular night I answered through the lens of "where I am at right now."

You see, New Year's Eve always has me standing on the edge of a cliff looking down into the vast unknown and I have no choice but to jump and see where I land in a year. When I look back at the past year I see painful twists and turns that I didn't expect and life shaping events that drastically changed my life (okay, maybe "drastically" is a bit too drastic of a word).

My perspective that night was so filled with fear of a future that I could not see, predict or control and I was just going to be free falling into the new year.

This "feeling" is not the truth. I know that. Somehow, the next day, I stumbled upon the verses in Isaiah 43:1-2 and I inserted my name in them Feel free to insert your name as you read the verses below:

But now, Rachael, listen to the Lord who created you.
Rachael, the one who formed you says, "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you."

I am not standing on the edge of cliff being asked to jump off into a scary unknown space. This is just a new calendar year. The date changes as it continues to do each day. I have done this 45 times already in my life and not once can I look back and recall a time where life consumed me to the point where I had not hope.

This word "consuming" led me to read Exodus 2 where Moses comes upon the burning bush. Moses is amazed that the bush is burning in a blazing fire yet not burned up. An angel of the Lord says, "Take off your sandals, for you are standing on holy ground." Then he goes on to tell Moses how there are people in distress and suffering and the Lord's intent is to rescue them but he commands Moses to go and do it for him.

I am reminded that my home has been a place of holy ground Our doors this past year have been open to those wading through rivers of difficulty. It's been a place for others to find reprieve from the fires of life that oppress one's spirit.

So why all this fear inside me?

I believe Moses was afraid too. He protested God's call on his life and began both his protests with the words "WHO AM I . . .".

God answered, "I will be with you. . . . " EXODUS 3:12

I'm afraid of more bad things happening. I'm afraid of more loss. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of the changes coming either real or perceived in my own family. I'm afraid of not being good enough, smart enough or strong enough. I'm afraid of any weaknesses being exposed. I'm afraid of the paths that will be chosen for me and the trials that I will face along the way.

When Moses asked, "Who am I?" God's only response with this initial protest was "I will be with you."

Strangely enough that promise eases my fear. Isaiah 43 reinforces this promise by saying the Lord has called me and I am his. Again He says He will be with me. I will not drown in difficulty, I will not be consumed by the troubles of this life.

"For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."
Isaiah 43:3a

I can't honestly say that I am not afraid of what lurks around the corner of tomorrow, but I do know that know matter what I am not alone. God doesn't answer Moses' question of "Who am I? quite yet. I believe it is in the journey that Moses will discover that. He does give Moses a purpose though. Moses initially rejects this purpose, however God relentlessly pursues Moses and eventually Moses obeys and walks down the path that the Lord has paved for him. I hope to write more about that in the future.

In the allegory Hinds' Feet on High Places the main character Much Afraid is traveling along the Shores of Loneliness along with her companions Sorrow and Suffering when she succumbs to an encounter with Pride. In her weakest moment she calls out to the Shepherd and he shows up hurling Pride over the edge of the cliff into the sea. It is after this fearful encounter with her own weakness when she proclaims to the Shepherd:

"But I do tell you now with all my heart that you are my Shepherd whose voice I love to hear and obey, and that it is my joy to follow you.
You choose, my Lord, and I will obey."

Much Afraid was coming to the realization that the path the Shepherd chose for her was best. It wasn't the safest or the easiest, and it didn't always make sense to her, but she was coming to trust his ways, follow his lead and fear less. Eventually she gets a new name.

I don't know if you struggle with fear like I do, but I do know that regardless the same promises remain for you. It's a new year and none of us know what that will look like. It could be better or it could be worse. It could lead you down a path you choose or one chosen for you. We just don't know and really, we don't need to know. But one thing I do know. We will not be alone. Let's hold on to the promises in Isaiah 43. Make them your own. I'm sure at some point we will all need those reminders.

Blessings,

Rachael

Illustration above is from Hinds' Feet on High Places: an engaging visual journey

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A Prayer for My Daughters

7/28/2017

5 Comments

The high places are my favorite. It is there that I can listen, focus and regroup from whatever life threw at me in the months past. This particular spot is a familiar one. Several years ago I stood on this same lake as my much younger daughter tried to catch one inch fish with her hands. I wrote about that here. Last week both my girls provided a hearty fish lunch from their 8-12 inch catches. My girls are growing up.

Way. Too. Fast.

During my devotions one morning I read a prayer that General Douglas MacArthur wrote for his son. I have a son. I made a copy of that prayer and am going to stick it in my bible. I will share that prayer with you at the end of this post. However, what my heart also desired was to have a prayer for my daughters tucked away in the pages of my bible too. So I read a few passages of scripture and prayed for my girls.

This is what I prayed:

Fashion me a daughter, O Lord,
who will cloth herself
with strength and dignity,
and puts on humility to serve others,
knowing that the only honor she may receive is from You;
a daughter who is trustworthy and full of wisdom
when the foolishness of this world tries to sweep her off her feet.

Fashion me a daughter whose teeth are servants of God
not arrows to pierce and put down;
one who laughs without fear of the future
and who boldly walks through the doors of opportunity
opened by Your hands only.

Direct her steps, I pray, to walk through the refining fires
of hardships that expose her pride
and lead her from the valleys to the high places
where she will find where her help comes from.
Here let her exposed heart be purified;
here may she find the courage to rise out of the ashes
and embrace the beauty within
knowing who she is and whose she is . . .
Your beloved.

Fashion me a daughter whose banner over her is love;
a love that radiates through her:
extending her arms to the needy, shining kindness through her eyes
yet strong of faith and full of wisdom
being careful not to allow others to take advantage of her.
May she love well and be loved well by one who recognizes
she is more precious than rubies.

And when, according to the standards of this world,
her beauty begins to fade, may she count
her blessings daily and may they be as stepping stones
of grace, compassion, mercy, strength, wisdom and peace
for herself as she prepares to meet her Savior
and for others traveling a little behind her on their journey.

Then my mother's heart will find complete rest at the feet of the one we both call
Father, Savior, and Redeemer.

Amen

And they are off before I am ready to let them go. The oldest first, then the middle one, and finally that dreaded day when the youngest packs her bags with all we have poured into her and sets off.

Lord hear our prayers for our children!

Below is the prayer I mentioned earlier that General Douglas MacArthur prayed for his son. Feel free to copy and paste both prayers and stick them in your bible also as a daily reminder to pray for our children.

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to
know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself
when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending
in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.

Build me a son whose wishbone will not be where his
backbone should be; a son who will know Thee and that
to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.

Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort,
but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge.
Here let him learn to stand up in the storm, here
let him learn compassion for those who fail.

Build me a son whose heart will be clean, whose goal
will be high; a son who will master himself before he
seeks to master other men; one who will learn to laugh,
yet never forget how to weep; one who will reach into the
future, yet never forget the past.

And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough
of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet
never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so
that he may always remember the simplicity of greatness,
the open mind of true wisdom, the meekness of true strength.

Then I, his father, will dare to whisper, "I have not lived in vain."

Blessings,
Rachael

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My name is Rachael. I wear many hats but author is not one of them....yet. I'm trying it on for comfort, searching for the perfect fit for my creative outlet.

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