Where are these thoughts coming from?
Lord, this is not who I want to be. I need more of You and less of me. I need to hear your voice above my own. Come and fill me with more of You.
I honestly can't remember my specific struggles or what was going through my mind (that is the grace of God right there . . . my sin cast as far as the east is from the west) but I do remember the feeling. I felt distant from God. I felt alone. I was confused.
For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. Romans 7:15
"I don't get me," I cried.
He said, "You mean you don't love you."
Hmmm . . . Ya I guess so. This good girl was struggling once again with feeling bad. I wasn't measuring up very well with the status quo "good Christian girl." I lacked "control" over my mind making me feel like a failure. Satan was wreaking havoc on my thoughts toward myself in order to distract me from God's thoughts toward me.
"I did not call you to love yourself, that is My job," He whispered that Sunday morning to my heart in the midst of our worship service.
I know I sound crazy but when the Lord speaks to me and pulls me up out of a pit with that still small voice of His and gives me a desperately needed perspective change that I could not have come up with on my own, my as small as a mustard seed faith is enough to BELIEVE that what He says is true.
And I believe that this blog has a purpose, a purpose for me to ink these truths that He speaks to my heart so that your heart hears them too.
That morning there were two Truths spoken as a reminder:
1) We are commanded to "'. . . love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.' This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these." Matthew 12:30-31
2) The Lord's message to the remnant of Israel is the same for us today. "Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you." Jeremiah 31:3
That everlasting love pursues you despite your failures, despite your feelings of unworthiness, despite your past and we are to stop running from that love.
It took me 25 years of being a Christian to learn that I needed to stop trying to earn favor from God and open the door to His love that He had been knocking on for so long.
I don't believe, just based on my own personal experience, that we can fulfill the first or second commandment very well if we don't first allow ourselves to be drawn into the everlasting love of our God.
I am ending with that thought: He says you are loved. I pray that your heart awakes to this truth today and that regardless of your accomplishments and although you are a sinner, you open that door and embrace His truth for you today.
"I sleep, but my heart is awake; it is the voice of my beloved! He knocks, saying, 'Open for me, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one. . . '"
Song of Solomon 5:2
P.S. This is a repost from a series I wrote last spring. I am reposting to link up with Holley Gerth's Coffee for your Heart. If you would like to read any of the other posts in this series titled "Who does He say you are?" please click here. The original post has all the links.
Tell His Story